"Straight Talk"

 Father? Dad? Or, Both?

By Chuck Cooper

       “Father’s Day” is a Sunday every June to honor and remember our “Dads” both living and deceased. It is a day when we take the time to reflect on and appreciate their influence on our lives, the examples they provide(d) for us and the sacrifices they made for our growth and well-being.  

       Most of us will enjoy great memories, remember fun times, give thanks to them for what they shared with us, understand what we learned from them and feel blessed by the relationship we shared.  That’s the way it should be. 

      For many, however, “Father’s Day” won’t be a grateful celebration.  It may be a sad occasion because memories of their fathers aren’t good ones. Why? Because their natural “Fathers” weren’t “Dads” to them.  

      There is a huge, extremely important difference between a “father” and a “dad.” The difference is simple: Any healthy male can be a “father”,  but it takes someone very special to be a "Dad". Human nature makes a man a “father”, but nurturing that offspring makes him a “Dad.”

      A natural father will always be a father, but many will never be a “Dad” to their kids for any number of reasons.  Some don’t want to, some don’t even “claim” their kids, some have totally abandoned their offspring and some don’t have any contact whatsoever with their children. Those “men” won’t “man up” and provide much-needed emotional support, guidance, encouragement and example for the kids they helped create. To be sure, there are many fathers who grew up in “Dad-less” homes who missed the example of what a “Dad” really is. That's not a good excuse.

      Fortunately, many kids today have a “Dad” who participates in their lives and provides “Dad-ship” support for them who aren’t their natural “Father”. Those “Dads” could be a grandfather, an uncle, a neighbor or family friend, or "Big Brother."

More likely, those “Dads” are real men who have come into kids lives as an adoptive parent or step-father.

      That begs the question: “What makes a man a ‘Dad’”? Simply put, a “Dad” plays a consistent, active “being there for you” role in a child’s life. He provides an important example and encouragement for their continuing growth and development into a productive adult.  He also provides the necessary discipline to teach them what’s right and what’s wrong.

      Children learn values and beliefs from a “Dad”... in conjunction, certainly, with the Mom’s nurturing which is just as important. More importantly, a “Dad” loves their kids dearly and wants only the best for them.  But, he needs to be a “parent” rather than a “friend.”  (IMHO, too many parents want to be “friends” with their children rather than “parents” Often, in order to teach them,  they simply need to say ‘no’!)

      The Bible tells us a lot about a Father’s responsibility.  First and foremost, the Bible says that we should love God with all our heart, soul and strength. The Bible also commands husbands to love their wives in the same way Jesus loves them. Too,

we Fathers are instructed to be the spiritual head of the family unit. Prov: 22:6 says: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

       So, are you a "Father," a "Dad." or both to your children? So, are you a "Father," a "Dad", or both to your children?  

• Fathers: "man up" and love your kids enough to be a "Dad" to them. Doing so is extremely important to their welfare and future development.  And, to yours! 

• Dads: continue in your God-given responsibilities to your children. Your example will teach them how to eventually become a "good" Dad just like you!

      I can tell you from personal experience what a true, incredible joy and blessing it is to have become very close "friends" with my adult children and their spouses.  Yes, I'm both a "Father" and a "Dad" to them , but now I'm free to be "Friends" with them and "Grand Daddy" to their offspring. I truly treasure all those relationships. You can, and will, too! 

 Happy "Fathers Day," Dads.